What is all the fuss about?
Some people think bullying is part of growing up and it doesn't really do any harm. They think it helps toughen you up. They think it is something you just have to put up with or learn to sort out yourself. But is it? Bullying is a problem for many yong people. In a recent survey, one in five pupils said bullying was a problem for them. One in twenty said they were bullied every day for years. So if you have a problem with bullying, you are not alone.
What is bullying?
Bullying involves some form of taking advantage of someone which is hurtful and rejecting. It can be:
- Verbal (eg being called names)
- Social (eg no one talking to you)
- Material (eg your things being damaged)
- Physical (eg being hit)
Who gets picked on?
Anyone can be bullied and many young people are bullied for no particular reason.
Why do young people bully others?
Young people can bully for a whole lot of reasons. It may be because they are:
- lacking in confidence
- unhappy
- jealous
- being bullied themselves
They bully in order to:
- make them look tough (mainly boys)
- make a group feel closer (mainly girls)
- show off
- gain attention or material things
- get rid of their anger
- make up for a lack of success
- get some fun out of others' fears
Why it is hard to tell
There are many reasons why young people may find it hard to tell adults about bullying. The most common ones are:
- fear of the bullies getting back at them
- not wanting to be a 'tell tale'
- not wanting to worry their parents
- shame at not being able to stick up for themselves
If you are being bullied, you must talk about it. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SAFE.
What harm does it do?
Bullying can make you feel lonely and unhappy. It can even make you feel there must be something wrong with you. You might lose confidence and can even become ill. You might take out your anger on your parents or brothers or sisters. You might be tense and distracted in school and you might not want to go to school.
Clearly if YOU are the bully, you will get into trouble and may be excluded from school. Bullying is often the start of getting into trouble with the police. Most bullies, even if they start off as popular, seem to end up being disliked.
School can become miserable, not just for the bullied person, but for anyone who sees bullying and is upset by it, or feels they have to join in for fear of being bullied themselves.
BULLYING AFFECTS EVERYONE
Why do people get away with it?
There are lots of reasons why people get away with bullying. Probably the biggest reason is that few people report it. Only one in three bullied pupils reports it in school and only one in two tells someone at home. It grows on secrecy and fear. The bullies threaten people not to tell. Others think it is not worth bothering about.
Many young people don't want to be seen to be a 'tell tale' or don't want to get involved. However you are encouraging it if you just ignore it or do nothing about it.
We all have a part to play.
We should not:
- stand by and watch
- encourage bullying
- give anyone a hard time because they are different
We should:
- do something if we see bullying (there are no innocent bystanders)
- show that we think it is stupid
- try to help anyone who is being bullied
A final message:
- it is NOT your fault
- it is NOT part of growing up
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO WILL HELP YOU
What you can do if you are bullied
DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. Most people have been bullied at some time. Don't feel there is something wrong with you.
YOU are not the problem, the bullying is. Don't think you deserve to be bullied - it is not your fault.
DON'T THINK LIKE A VICTIM. If someone is making you feel bad about yourself, it is important to feel good about yourself. You might make a list and remind yourself of the good things about you. Spend some time on your interests and skills. If you are different in any way - be proud of it!
DON'T PUT YOURSELF AT RISK. Avoid risky places where bullying happens. For example, avoid being last in the changing rooms.
If in danger, get away.
Leave expensive things at home and don't boast about money.
Keeping safe is more important than losing things. Give up what they want if you are being threatened.
DON'T SHOW YOU ARE UPSET. Try not to show you are upset - even though it is difficult. Don't provide fun for the bullies.
TRY TO IGNORE the bullies as it is sometimes helpful. If they don't get a reaction they often give up. But don't ignore how you feel.
TRY TO MAKE FRIENDS or stay with a crowd even if they are not your friends. But don't try to buy friendships as they won't last.
TRY TO STAY CALM. Stay calm, shout 'no' or 'get lost' slowly and clearly and walk away. You could practice this in a mirror.
TRY TO LOOK CONFIDENT. A loud confident 'no' with the threat of telling adults works well. Think about how your voice tells how confident you are. Pretend you are confident - even if you are not eg by keeping your head up, looking people in the eye, walking as if you know where you are going.
KEEP IN CONTROL. Hitting back is not helpful and will get you into trouble. Think ahead and be ready with a few short and sharp replies to the usual comments people make about you. Be prepared to repeat the same replies until they stop. Put YOURSELF IN CONTROL of the situation eg by just asking them to repeat any comments.
Links
Remember that you can get more Information and help if you are worried about bullying.